Bachelor:
Graham Stuard ’24.
Pronouns
: he/him.
Hometown
: New York City baby.
Home on Campus
: Jannah’s room❤.
Major
: Computer science.
Turn on?
The gender binary.
Turn off?
Individuality.
If you were a dorm which would you be and why?
Bundy cause all the sophomores have been inside me.
If you had to describe yourself as the love child of any two musicians, who would you pick and why?
Scott Healy and Kanye West.
What TV genre best describes you?
YouTube shorts.
What’s the best pick-up line you’ve ever used/had used on you?
Your curls look good today Graham!
What’s your type?
People who like my curls.
What are three things you cannot live without?
Honor, passion, and sitting down when I pee.
If you were any social space, what would it be?
A seahorse party (seahorse sea hell).
Where do you go when you want to be alone?
KJ between class periods.
If you could join one group on campus, what would it be?
The Rat Pack.
If you could break one rule at Hamilton and get away with it, which would you choose?
Swimming in KTSA pond.
What would you give a thumbs up?
Numbers :).
What would you give a thumbs down?
Words :(.
Who would you say is your campus crush?
01000001 01001101 01100000 0110010 0110101.
What would your perfect date be?
Marge handing me an extra mask and telling me I’m too cute to be wearing it :).
What is the weirdest thing currently in your room?
Jannah Jablobs.
If you could remake the points system, what would be the number one offense?
More than one retake on a BeReal.
If you were a food, which would you be and why?
Mons pizza because mmmmmmm Mons pizza.
Lights on or lights off?
Is this about sex???
Favorite campus study spot?
A KJ classroom with a ball of yarn to distract my roommate.
What’s the last lie you told?
I just checked my email.
What was your first thought this morning?
Mmmmmm bed.
What’s the meaning of life?
Being a beacon of stability.
Which member of Disney royalty are you?
Elsa because I want superpowers.
Which American historical figure are you attracted to and why?
William T. Sherman because he could scorch my earth.
Name:
Hannah Jablons ’24.
Pronouns
: they/them.
Hometown
: Montclair, NJ.
Home on Campus
: Graham’s room❤.
Major
: History.
Turn on?
PsiU boys.
Turn off?
DX boys.
If you were a dorm, which would you be and why
? Dunham because I’m polarizing and dirty.
If you had to describe yourself as the love child of any two musicians, who would you pick?
21 Savage and Saucegod (on Soundcloud).
What advertising slogan best describes your life?
Penis girl (shoutout penis girl).
What TV genre best describes you?
Those VICE documentaries from ten years ago.
What’s the best pick-up line you’ve ever used/had used on you?
“How do you feel about being next week’s Bachelors?”.
What’s your type?
Anyone with a cat.
What are three things you cannot live without?
An offshore property, the sweet taste of virgin blood, and a network of ride or die b*tches.
If you were any social space, what would it be?
A room with four white guys freestyling.
Where do you go when you want to be alone?
Commons at noon.
If you could join one group on campus, what would it be?
History department faculty.
If you could break one rule at Hamilton and get away with it, which would you choose?
Swimming in KTSA pond.
What would you give a thumbs up?
The streaking team.
What would you give a thumbs down?
Clothes.
Who would you say is your campus crush?
Kevin from McEwen.
What would your perfect date be?
Dark Side naked lap.
What is the weirdest thing currently in your room?
Graham Stuard.
If you could remake the points system, what would be the number one offense?
Playing the piano in sadove in the middle of a weekday.
Lights on or lights off?
Lights off, reading lamps on, blinds open.
Favorite campus study spot?
Any KJ floor.
What’s the last lie you told?
See: turn offs.
What was your first thought this morning?
“Damn, another erotic dream about the homies.”
What’s the meaning of life?
Drinking from cups, being a b*tch.
Which member of Disney royalty are you?
The queer one.
