Sitcoms, almost as a rule, are happy shows about mostly nice people who like each other. (Not that there aren’t exceptions — quiet down, Always Sunny fans.) Modern Family, the superb ABC hit that ran for 11 seasons, would appear to fit the mold. The show depicts three families — picket-fence Claire and Phil (three kids), Mitch and Cam (one adopted daughter), and Jay and Gloria (Gloria has one son from a previous marriage and they have another several seasons in), the misadventures of whom regularly produce hilarity and the occasional tender moment.

Each family sticks out for different reasons. Phil is a goofball and Claire’s tough competence usually makes for a good contrast. Mitch and Cam bicker frequently, either because of Cam being oversensitive or Mitch not being sensitive enough. Jay is something like 30 years older than Gloria (played by Sofia Vergara). The gag there is that she did not marry him for his money, she legitimately finds him sexy. Go figure. As you’d imagine, that lends itself to plenty of easy jokes.

So you are probably wondering about the headline. I would have been too if I read something similar when I first started watching the show. And that is the thing — its darkness is not necessarily obvious unless you look for it first. Shows need conflict. Obviously. No one wants to watch a group of people be happy, which is why many of the best shows end right when everyone is. But to me, Modern Family takes the reliance on conflict to an extreme. More precisely, it does not seem like the characters like each other all that much.

I first picked up on this when I talked about the show on the phone with a friend who had long been encouraging me to watch it. We laughed about the funny moments and mentioned our favorite characters. Then we started talking about the couples.

“Do you think Mitch and Cam are in a toxic relationship?” she asked me. Hm.

I had not thought so. But with that in the back of my mind, I started noticing that Mitch and Cam were bickering with each other in what seemed like the vast majority of their screen time. They would argue in almost every episode. And it did not seem like the kind of affectionate snark that forms the basis of some relationships. Mitch would offend Cam, who would take an entire episode to get over it and would perform an even worse offense himself along the way. There seemed to be a fundamental disconnect — Cam was too sensitive, and Mitch’s occasional lack of tact was oil to Cam’s water. Almost every time an episode’s plot focused on those two, they seemed to have a problem with each other.

The other relationships are not much better. Phil, funny as he is, essentially doubles as a fourth child for Claire to take care of most of the time. Jay is insensitive (he is Mitch and Claire’s father, and you can see where Mitch gets it from sometimes) and seems determined not to back down from a position even when he has offended someone. Especially in the early seasons, he consistently reacts to Gloria wanting to do a Columbian tradition with resistance. Gloria must have found him very sexy, because God knows she did not marry Jay for his political correctness.

All three couples have their share of sweet moments, I suppose, but they are outweighed by the issues and usually last for 30 seconds at the end of an episode. It got to a point, for me, when I started to wonder why these couples are still together. Is what the show defines as love worth constantly bickering with someone? Maybe it is a sign that it is time to move on.

The show is still hilarious. The occasional moments of sweetness feel real. But they are bookended by enough friction between people who are supposed to love each other that on balance, some of the relationships feel past their end-by date. Sometimes people stay together for familiarity and fear more than fondness. Maybe that is the underlying message in some of these fights.

Early in the fifth season, Mitch and Cam plan to propose to each other after gay marriage is legalized. They plan around each other; both have a scenario that falls through. They drive in the mountains and their car breaks down. Here, finally, they have a wonderful, relaxed conversation, what feels like their first one in the entire series. Mitch reminisces about their first apartment. For the first time, they look like a happy couple. Simultaneously bending down to fix the tire, they look at each other and say “yes,” at once accepting each other’s implicit proposal. It is a beautiful moment.

The next episode cuts to after their honeymoon. They had a great time, or so we are told — we do not get to see any of it. What we do see is that when they come back, Cam wants to keep the romance going with surprise gifts and Mitch wants to get back to their normal routine. They are on different wavelengths again.