The looming threat of finals week stressing you out? Well, look to the astrological portents, and your questions will be answered. Be warned, however, the stars did not seem very happy this week. Take their recommendations with a grain of salt. Find your birthday below to identify your sign.
January 20-February 18:
Aquarius
February 19-March 20:
Pisces
March 21-April 19:
Aries
April 20-May 20:
Taurus
May 21-June 20:
Gemini
June 21-July 22:
Cancer
July 23-August 22:
Leo
August 23-September 22:
Virgo
September 23-October 22:
Libra
October 23-November 21:
Scorpio
November 22-December 21:
Sagittarius
December 22-January 19:
Capricorn
Aquarius
The truth is, you are not going to prepare for finals as well as you should. I am not going to call you out on it. Instead, I am going to encourage you to realize that is okay. No one prepares for finals as well as they should. Get enough sleep, study well, be ready, but do not worry about being perfect. Chances are, you would not have gotten a one-hundred percent anyway.
Pisces
I let your disorganization slide Aquarius, but you need to get your stuff together. I say that endearingly because you are a great person and I respect you. But this is not you. Pick yourself up and get through this week. A relaxing winter break is waiting for you. You got this!
Aries
You may not realize it, but you are doing very well for yourself. Be careful not to let this get to your head. However, the full moon last night means that you have peaked. There may be some trouble ahead as the moon wanes. Nothing you can not handle.
Taurus
I (the mouthpiece of the stars) feel like I have been pessimistic recently. “Why don’t I get a horoscope? Why can’t someone tell me what to do?” But that begs the question of why I can tell you what to do. So I do not know, Taurus. Do what you want. Life is short.
Gemini
I have no right to tell you what to do. If you insist on listening to me, here’s my advice: don’t read horoscopes. And certainly don’t make life decisions based on them.
Cancer
Alright, Cancer. The stars have spoken to me and told me you should sell your car. Sell all of your earthly possessions. Give up everything except rice and water. Travel the countryside and seek enlightenment.
Leo
The stars said you have been strutting around like you own the campus. Well, guess what? That is great! It is important to stay positive as finals approach. Continue to hold your head high and make Martin’s Way your catwalk.
Virgo
Great things await you this week. You will pass your finals. You will find your purpose. You will find your soulmate. You will discover the meaning of life. You will come to terms with your mortality. You will realize true happiness. You will stop believing in astrology.
Libra
Freedom is your thing. Like Gemini, you could benefit from doing what you want. That does not mean that you should commit a crime. I just mean that you should take control of your fate.
Scorpio
You feel low this week. And that is okay because you are the opposite of the moon. The moon is at its peak and you are at your low, but that will change as the moon wanes. Keep your head up!
Sagittarius
You have a green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizard-like in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid sub-tropical zones and will do well on finals. I think that last bit is right.
Capricorn
Your study habits are holding you back. Try flashcards, studying with friends, or using diagrams. Rereading messy notes is not necessarily the best way to study.
