Ever since the Equifax breach and Facebook’s ongoing data-mining scandals, the media has been buzzing with phrases like “What would YOU do?” and “Mark Zuckerberg is looking at your private photos.” These fear-mongering tactics are clearly just a way to generate clicks and to slander the good and just lord, Mark.

I personally do not feel unsafe using my Facebook account, and why would I? All of my closest friends and family use Facebook, and I trust their judgement. Why would Uncle Tony use a service that is doing bad things. It just does not make sense.

Moreover, I have nothing interesting for Facebook to steal, and I don’t care if my search history comes up as a data point in an unimaginably large database. Frankly, I was certainly not doing anything with that information, and if a multinational corporation wants to use it to rub out the middle class, that’s an opportunity that I had neither the foresight nor the technological prowess to take advantage of. Cambridge Analytica and Equifax and Google should be commended for their innovation.

I simply do not care. I know that I will just be targeted with ads, but I have been trained by years on the internet to never click on a sidebar ad anyway. If Facebook starts using my data to slowly take over the free world, then I may start to have a problem with that. But any Artificial Intelligence system that uses my data is going to be sorely disappointed by the lack of useful information that is contained within. I will hardly be a significant data point for their evil, back-alley creep show, and as such I am just fine with my data being mined by the good people at CA and Facebook.

I embrace my role as a sheep being herded by soulless corporations and I think that you should too. Sure, these shadow people are infringing on my constitutional rights, but I wasn’t using those anyway. I, for one, am filled with adoration for our new techno-overlords. Praise them, and glory unto Mark.