With four dining halls across campus featuring a vast variety of concoctions, it can be overwhelming trying to discern which foods to eat. To help, I’ve compiled this list of the best five meals served on campus, so you know what to watch for and what to order.
5. McEwen and Commons: London Broil
Named after a technique of over-cooking beef that originated in the capital of the United Kingdom, this delectable dish can be found at both McEwen and Commons. This dish is all about the first bite; don’t let the next thirty minutes you’ll spend gnawing on the rubbery beef dissuade you from enjoying the unforgettable two seconds of the delicious gravy settling on your tongue. Those who would prefer chewing gum to eating a meal won’t want to miss this British delicacy.
4. Commons: Quoique ce soit cakes with broccoli and carrots
A local favorite. Really settles nicely on your tongue and is worth the somewhat unpleasant crunch for the delicious aftertaste. However, it can present a challenge when you’ve reached the front the Commons line and it’s your turn to politely yell out the three items like meager portions of sprinkled onto your plate — it often takes more than of thirty seconds of the from the person behind you just to find the noun in this title, and thus be able to know what it actually is that you will be eating. After all, it’s not just “rosemary roasted red scalloped blackened herb-crusted” anything; it’s “rosemary roasted red scalloped blackened herb-crusted” quoique ce soit (whatever that is).
3. The Howard Diner: Buff-barb-parm
If you’ve somehow managed to decipher any sort of discernable language from the drawl of abbreviations used to grunt orders at the Diner, then you’ve probably heard of the infamous buff-barb-parm (I may have missed some syllables in the middle). If you haven’t, just pull out that backwards hat from your closet, throw on an article of Hamilton apparel, thrust your hands deep into the pockets of your joggers, and grunt “buff-barb-parm” (or some variation of similar guttural noises) at the nearest diner employee. Chances are, you’ll end up with something quite tasty, though containing 300% of your daily value of carbohydrates.
2. The Little Pub: Turkey, bacon, and cranberry sandwich
This pub classic attracts a very big crowd to the otherwise little pub. While waiting in line for half an hour, you’ll find yourself first thinking about your day, then thinking about your night, then growing tired of thinking, then listening to the conversations around you about today’s lacrosse practice or tomorrow’s football game, and then finally wondering what could possibly be making the line take so long. Once you finally reach the front, you’ll quickly find the answer by watching the guy in front of you — shoulders lowered, feet planted, elbows splayed out — slowly loading his plate with more turkey then you ever thought a sandwich could hold without ever breaking his form of the utmost masculinity. Then, he’ll toast it to his liking, the extremities of the sandwich occupying the whole press so you’re forced to watch his ritualistic deliberation for two more minutes. However, once you finally pull your steaming sandwich from the press you’ll realize just how worth the wait it is.
1. McEwen: Nacho Madness
Rumor has it that even the most introverted dorm-dwellers crawl out from the basement of Dunham to make it to McEwen when it’s Nacho Madness night at global. Even a shrewd cynic (like whom, you say?) couldn’t find anything to poke fun at in arguably the finest dining on campus. My only advice is to get there before six o’clock, and grab more than one baskets of nachos.
