It’s that time of year again, when everyone begins questioning their sanity and whether any of this is really worth it. I’m here to tell you that no, none of your finals matter even a little bit, and frankly you are an idiot for thinking they do. So here are five reasons why you should just stop studying for finals and drop out.
1. You won’t get a job anyway.
There seems to be a gross misconception of what the job market needs at the moment. Because Hamilton is a liberal arts institution, it is financially dependent upon tricking you into thinking your degree will land you a job. Furthermore, students appear to be un-der the impression that the higher your GPA, the higher your marketability. But I’m here to tell you that no matter how well you do on your Russian History exam, you are still going to be either unemployed or underemployed upon graduation, and nobody at McDonald’s is going to care what grade you got. So just stop studying and drop out.
2. It’s way too late for you
Even if you can get it together enough to make an attempt at studying (and that’s a big if), you are most likely too far behind for it to even matter. Following a semester of debauchery, procrastination, and sending it, there’s little hope that anything you can cram into your head in the next week will make any difference in the end. Quit while you’re ahead! There’s still plenty of days left to cap the year off in style without having to worry about those pesky exams.
3. YouTubers make six figures each year yelling about cartoons into a microphone.
Why are you pursuing yet another boring finance gig when you can just buy yourself an audio kit and make a YouTube account doing literally whatever. It honestly does not matter what kind of videos you make, just as long as you produce mass amounts of lowest-common-denominator garbage, you’ll probably make more than doing whatever the hell you plan on doing with your sociology degree. So just stop studying and drop out.
4. Self care is important.
Studying for finals is hard. You need your sleep. Try going to yoga. Or just stop studying and drop out.
5. It’s not going to make your grade better.
Either your professor always gives you the same arbitrary grade on every assignment because he doesn’t like your face, or your devastating mediocrity makes your hard work and last-minute tripe indistinguishable. Regardless, however much you study is not going to make a difference in what grade you receive, because the system is broken and you are not smart enough to fix it. So please, just stop studying and drop out.
