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othing bothers white people more than being called “racist.” That one word can spark indignation, defensiveness or an outburst of anger — emotional responses that are rooted in a deep sense of racial discomfort.

If you are white, you are racist. This is not to say that you are openly bigoted or that you spend your weekends marching with neo-Nazis and defending Confederate monuments. It just means that you, like all white Americans, have been socialized to hold certain biases against people of color.

The term “racist” has been associated with some of the worst symbols of white supremacy and historical oppression. With examples like slavery, the KKK, lynchings and forced segregation, it is no wonder that people are eager to distance themselves from discrimination. But running away from racism is the primary way that we as white people protect, support and perpetuate racial oppression.

Giving in to our knee-jerk reaction to the word “racist” only serves to constrict us. It provokes defensiveness or fear, emotions that hold us back from facing up to our own behaviors. We are too busy turning our backs, acting overly apologetic or even offended when challenged with the ways we have benefitted from a system that devalues the lives, labor and efforts of people of color.

White fear of the word “racist” boils down to an internal simplification of the concept of oppression. Racism is bad, so if we admit to holding a racist belief or bias, then we must also be bad. In contrast, if we hate racism, then we are good. Through this lens, even exploring our own privilege can feel like condemning ourselves as bad people.

But here is the secret: you can hold internalized racist beliefs and still be a good person.

Racism lives in all of us. It thrives in a deep, dark place — somewhere we do not like to go. It is subtle, insidious, binding, resistant to change. The seeds of racism grow before we even learn what race or ethnicity is. It is reinforced through social and cultural norms: media depictions of race, school segregation, police targeting communities of color, school-to-prison pipelines and racial profiling. No matter how well-meaning or open-minded we are, our internalized biases continue to shape the way we view and react to the world.

It all starts with a simple acknowledgement: “I am racist.”

Becoming aware of your internal prejudices is the only way to unearth them. It takes a deliberate and conscious effort to question the stereotypes we have normalized. We have to unlearn what we have been taught and embrace serious self-examination to shake loose the horrifying, debilitating power of the word “racist.”

Keep in mind that recognizing privilege does not translate to blame. It is not our job to carry the burden of our ancestor’s actions, however, it is our responsibility to acknowledge the social advantages and benefits associated with being a part of the in-group. Nobody is being shamed and it is not about shutting down the conversation. It is an acknowledgement of privilege, not an imposition of guilt.

Even though white people face challenges in life like everybody else, the quality of our struggles are different than those of other races. We benefit from being considered the default. We are the racial in-group, not the out-group. This does not guarantee success, but this insider status provides us access to advantages and privileges that we may not even notice day to day. The existence of white privilege does not reflect on our morality. Our responses to being confronted about that privilege do, however.

When it all comes down to it, the lives of people of color are more important than white feelings. It is your responsibility to dig deeper, even if it hurts. Even if you feel confused or angry or hopeless. Fight the impulse to flee from difficult conversations. Attend workshops and participate in open discussions. Educate yourself on the roots of white supremacy and call out the racism you witness, no matter how subtle.

Systemic racism has existed for hundreds of years, and it is going to take decades more to dismantle. That does not mean we should wait for change to happen. It is our responsibility to step up to the plate and do our part, even if the problem seems too complex and abstract to tackle all at once. Change starts with the individual.

We cannot allow ourselves to stand by and let people of color shoulder the burden of challenging systems of racism. Our guilt and our silence is what allows white supremacy to thrive, particularly in a political climate charged with racial tension. This movement needs your hard work your blood, sweat and tears. If you are not already a white ally — it is time to become one.