Since I started at Hamilton, the Hamilton Webcam has become a website my mom checks every day. Every day, she counts the time and stares carefully at the screen just to catch the few seconds when I appear on the screen and walk to classes. Although I have talked with her about this many times, suggesting that we can do more video chats if she wants to see me, she insists on continuing to watch me on the Webcam.
In the past, I could not understand her sometimes. However, gradually, I realized that she had been doing this one activity for years. I was born in Wuxi, a small but beautiful city in China. In order to secure a better future for me, my father chose to leave Wuxi and work in Shanghai. He only came back on weekends. The heavy burden of taking care of me fell on my mother’s shoulder. My mom did not quit her job but chose to go to work and take care of me at the same time. Before going to work, she made breakfast and sent me to school in the early morning. When I got out of the car and headed towards the classroom, she would always gaze at me, a young boy’s figure gradually vanishing in the stream of students. She would follow the walking path of the boy until he turned the corner, completely disappearing from her sight. Was she expecting her child to turn around before heading to the classroom? No one knows. The only thing I know is that she watched the growing boy from kindergarten, to elementary school, to junior high, to senior high and finally to the day when he was heading to the US. She watched the tall boy picking up all the material and walking through the queen line. She kept her eye on the boy gradually moving towards the check point, one inch by one inch. Finally, it was the boy’s turn to check in. He stood only a short time at the window, and then the figure once again vanished from her sight.
She cried. Deep inside her mind, she was not willing to send her son to a place further than her hand could reach. But she knew, the boy had grown up and it was time for him to fly away. From that day, Webcam became the website she checks every morning. Watching her son’s receding figure in the camera, she has gradually come to understand what being a parent means: it means that the rest of your life is merely following your children with your eyes, slowly watching them move further and further away. So, you are standing on the end of the path, as their silhouette is drifting away at the corner of the road and his shadow silently tells you: ‘No need to follow.’ (Musong, Lung Ying-Tai)
Note: The last sentence is adopted from the famous female writer Lung Ying-Tai’s book Musong. “Musong” means follow somebody with one’s eyes in Chinese.
