This has been three years in the making. Those who know me are familiar with my quest to chronicle the Hamilton College public bathrooms and rank them from best to worst. And it will be done. Unfortunately, I have not yet had the opportunity to collect all of the requisite data, and despite my resistance to publish any premature analysis, it appears I have been convinced. I kindly request your sensitivity and grace as I attempt to preview the complete guide, a guide that, rest assured, will be published in its entirety before I graduate. I all but pledge to visit and use every single non-residential bathroom in an effort to provide the student body with an all-encompassing, indisputable blueprint that outlines the best and worst lavatories on campus. Here is what I have so far, a provisional top and bottom five:
WORST:
5. Library, 24-Hour Room (Private)
Ambiance: D
Privacy: B+
Cleanliness: C-
Amenities: D
The lone private bathroom to crack the bottom 5, though it appears the original design intended for it to accommodate multiple patrons at the same time. The locking system is bizarre, especially for a lavatory with a stall in it and there is far from adequate sink space with the divider and paper towel dispenser closing in on either side. And what’s with the toilet? Unless it was built specifically for the basketball team, I still have not quite figured out why it is so uncomfortably high off the ground. It is dark and dingy, especially at night, but at least it is clean and somewhat peaceful, which cannot be said for some of the others on this list.
4. Field House, Basement — Rink Side (Semi-Private)
Ambiance: D
Privacy: B+
Cleanliness: C-
Amenities: D
You really come out a different person after a trip to the Field House Rink bathroom. Poorest design of any lavatory by a country mile; the one massive sink is an eye sore and the faucet only works at half capacity. The larger stall’s accessibility pole takes up half of the already tight space, and the urinal flush handles are uncommonly high off the ground. Privacy is the only attractive quality here, but unlike some of the lesser known bathrooms, I think there’s a reason why there isn’t much competition for these toilets.
3. CJ, 2nd Floor (Semi-Private)
Ambiance: D
Privacy: D+
Cleanliness: F
Amenities: F
Green rust on the sink is not a great start, but for such an inept bathroom, there is hardly a privacy tradeoff to boost its value. The sink on the right is difficult to get to, crammed in by the paper towel dispenser that also happens to have a lever; why, I have no idea. If you have not been drinking your milk you might have trouble turning the four-pronged rotational faucet levers that almost require body weight to shut off. The toilet? Average at best, with a window in a bizarrely prominent spot inside the stall. The icing on the cake is the croaking front door that sounds exactly like the sea monster from A Series of Unfortunate Events.
2. Commons, Southside Balcony (Semi-Private)
Ambiance: D-
Privacy: F
Cleanliness: C-
Amenities: C-
I appreciate the sentiment of a second option in the ever-so-crowded dining hall, but these bathrooms are so dysfunctional that we might actually be better off without them. Having a bathroom adjacent to a dining area is unusual to begin with, and the tiny, non-private space has visitors shifting and maneuvering around doors and sinks. I would like to see some inviting qualities to balance out the awkwardness, but the stale pale ambiance does not provide any additional support.
1. Field House, Basement — Court Side (Public)
Ambiance: D+
Privacy: A-
Cleanliness: B
Amenities: D
I do not even know where to begin. Try not to let the respectable grades fool you; this looks like the site of a murder mystery. I have never seen a soul anywhere near this bathroom, and for good reason. For starters, one of the sinks does not shut off. The ones that do work are rusty and squeaky, pouring water out like a fire hose. The full sized urinals go all the way down to the floor and provide minimal privacy out in the open with no dividers. Just a lonely and desolate lavatory that makes me feel guilty every time I use it, knowing that it will probably never be cleaned. Honestly, it would probably be a waste of soap and time anyway.
BEST:
5. Events Barn, 1st Floor (Public)
Ambiance: B-
Privacy: B
Cleanliness: B-
Amenities: B
Absolute hidden gem that, while not quite worth going out of your way to visit, it dominates the Martin’s Way region. It can get a bit gloomy in a somewhat dark and quiet environment, but the vibrant color scheme helps to offset a stuffy vibe and enhances its invitational potential. The sink area can get crowded so close to the door, though the sinks themselves provide a strong and consistent stream of water. Stalls are average on every level.
Overall, one of the most private public bathrooms on campus; during a major event at the Barn or the Annex it loses the majority of its allure, but during off peak hours it’s a highly versatile option.
4. List, 2nd Floor (Private)
Ambiance: C
Privacy: B-
Cleanliness: B
Amenities: B+
Be careful before you serenade the List bathrooms with appreciation for their privacy; yes they are spacious and lockable, but with thumping footsteps right outside the door, you really do not get the piece and quiet of say a KTSA 2nd Floor. However, as private bathrooms go, it is impressively roomy and conducive to a healthy break in between classes, or dare I say even during class. I will say that it is in a high traffic area where frequent knocking can become a concern, but overall it really has everything you need and a door with a lock plus a strong flowing sink makes for a happy trip to the restroom.
3. KTSA, 2nd Floor (Public)
Ambiance: B+
Privacy: A
Cleanliness: A
Amenities: C-
I know this one is atop many people’s list, but I respectfully think it is a tad overrated. Privacy, yes. Cleanliness, yes. The one gargantuan stall is both spacious and comfortable, with elegant natural light but also supreme privacy. This bathroom is always in tip-top shape, cleaned thoroughly every day to enhance its modern architecture. The black chrome finish on the sinks is a nice touch, but sometimes the next-gen technology can work against it. The automatic flush is a huge con for me, and the 6-stream spray faucets feel weird on the skin and do not encourage a proper scrubbing technique. At the end of the day, I have to say it is tough to beat the combination of privacy and its sleek inviting feel.
2. Science Center, 3rd Floor — South Wing (Public)
Ambiance: C+
Privacy: A
Cleanliness: A-
Amenities: A-
It is difficult to differentiate between each Science Center bathroom on the South wing, but according to sources that I trust, the 3rd Floor lavatories are essentially private, very seldom used. I see the SC bathrooms as very comparable to KTSA second floor with a less vibrant ambiance but much better amenities. The toilet is sturdy with a manual flush, and the sink comes equipped with a nice flow of water operated by clean and lubricated faucet levers. The paper towel dispenser is always well-stocked with a large trash can that does not overflow. Nothing you are going to write home about, but a fantastic overall bathroom that more than covers the bases.
1.Root Hall, 2nd Floor (Private)
Ambiance: A+
Privacy: A-
Cleanliness: A
Amenities: B-
If you have not yet gotten the opportunity to immerse yourself in the wonders of the brand new Root bathrooms, do yourself a favor and change that immediately. These lockable private sanctuaries boast stunning green tiled walls and large blurred windows for both privacy and connection to the outside world. They are strategically isolated from the main study area to reduce foot traffic, fostering a peaceful and unbothered stay. My one knock is that the toilets are peculiarly close to the wall, which appears to be a mild gaff in the design. Exquisite bathroom all around, truly exquisite. I would not say it is a life-changing experience, but it is darn close.
