It is *THAT* time of year again — leaves? falling, the air smells good, wildfires are destroying the atmosphere, and the apples are prime. Anyone who knows me will question why I am writing an article on any type of decoration: however, rest assured that I will keep my personal preferences to a minimum. Instead, this article will teach you (My beloved audience) how to decorate the perfect dorm.

Style one: Steezy

You are going for maximum fun, not “functionality”. College means no rules and no parents, and the RA is at best your partner in crime and at worst a narc to be avoided at all costs. Leave the empty J*UL pods strewn beneath the makeshift hot tub and just VIBE.

Style two: Artíste

Never sacrifice your objectively dope style for the normies. You have exponentially more swag than them — this is a fact. Follow your heart and hang up art that speaks to your SPIRIT. Goop products recommended

Style 3: Nomad

Supreme chairman Wippman’s rules prohibit living *off* campus. The Dunham tent is *on* campus, and the fields + Glen make up like most of the campus. You will save money on housing, but more importantly, you will save your soul from the campo led police state.