I take hot showers, I’ll take cereal to class in a to-go cup, and I sleep with a fan on. I am not an eco-warrior, or at least not a good one. But this campus is an environmental disaster, even by my pretty mediocre standards. So I’ve devised a pseudoscientific and probably reductive plan to fix how much this school impacts the environment.

1. Stop complaining about Green (Meatless) Mondays.

How privileged and self-centered can you be? It is one day, in one dining hall, once a week. Get over yourself and your enormous ego. Sure, if everyone was vegan, soy would become the most harmful component of our diets, but I don’t see that as a problem considering Commons probably goes through 20,000 gallons of water a day to cook our burgers.

2. Turn off the lights.

I understand why a certain percentage of campus has to remain lit 24/7 for safety reasons. But do the locked basements of the athletic center and Bristol really need to be on all the time? I am genuinely asking.

3. Divest from fossil fuels.

Anyone remember that campaign to get the endowment to divest from fossil fuel investments last year? They didn’t. They should. Invest in something more ethically sound, like alternative energy sources or climate change research.

4. Start littering.

All of campus’ environmental impact is transferred to other, less wealthy places: coastal areas and islands will be flooded to keep our lights on, communities in the Dakotas will be rocked by fracking earthquakes thanks to our investment, and the Ogallala aquifer will run dry because we need three burgers and a half-pound of eggs in the morning. So start throwing all of your trash on the ground. Maybe then people will notice that our actions have impacts.

Sincerely,

Peter Case ’21

Editorial Editor