“Have you ever felt lonely here?” my friend asked.

“I feel lonely everywhere, but I…I think I was born to thrive in my own isolated space,” I answered.

My friend was a little surprised by my response, but more so confused. I was also surprised when I realized, some years ago, how calming it was to be isolated.

My life is a paradox. I feel like an iceberg, drifting in an infinite ocean while simultaneously trying to attach myself to the colorful landscape. Unfortunately, I can have neither — I am unable to be a part of the infinity that is ocean water until the completion of the melting process. Instead, the land is getting closer to me as I submerge uncontrollably.

An iceberg’s life is hardly satisfactory, given its lifelong isolation.

Based on this paradox, I am supposed to be trapped in a meaningless, drifting, and infinite isolation. I am supposed to be a cool, ignorant, and aloof human being, but my life story is quite the opposite. I am often described as a warm-hearted, straightforward, and sincere girl. I am comfortable sharing my true feelings and experiences, gaining strength from open conversation and meaningful interaction with others. I do not isolate myself from the outside world; instead, I genuinely embrace it with an endless curiosity.

My sense of isolation doesn’t come from my indifference — it comes from my awareness that this world consists of complex systems that, to approach the truth of them, would need an inquiry that transcends a lifetime.

It takes time to understand a math problem, to analyze a medieval art piece, and even to appreciate the person you love. There is no quick way to understand the full picture of this world, so there is no way for me to escape my destiny of eternal confusion and isolation. I choose to live in this manner. Yes, I choose to embrace isolation as an important part of my life that triggers hope, positivity, and curiosity.

“Don’t you worry about being isolated?” asked my friend.

“Yes, I do. I also worry about not feeling isolated,” I answered, as I drifted into a moment of release.