I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to interview the owner of the first skunk account at Hamilton College: @skunksofhamilton. Out of respect for the interviewee, I will not disclose their name or any identifying information. This impressive person has demonstrated their devotion to admiring these skunks, so it is only fitting that we give them a platform to explain their love of Hamilton’s skunks.

First and foremost, they believe that the mystery of remaining anonymous adds a “talking point” to campus. Without a doubt, they are right. Not only do hundreds of students follow a Hamilton skunk account, but many also chase after these fascinating animals in an attempt to capture the perfect video or picture. If an image is submitted, it may have the privilege to be featured on the skunk account.

However, they are deeply upset and disgusted with the other skunk account creators. They explained that others have “stolen my idea” and “I think it is rude.” When asked how they feel about the rival skunk content, they declared that their rival photos are “tacky and commonplace.” They elaborated further, noting that, “Their music detracts from the focus on the skunks” and “their captions are vapid.” If that were not enough, they continued by declaring their loathing of these unoriginal account owners: “I hate them. They do not deserve the title ‘creator’ since they did not derive the idea to generate a skunk account.” To put it simply: “They must be destroyed.”

Indeed, my friend is the originator of the Hamilton skunk accounts. When asked why they began their account, they claimed “The skunks get into silly situations and they are silly animals. I felt like the people of Hamilton needed a skunk platform to witness their silliness. My account has definitely brought our community closer together.” This is true. The skunks are all the rage. Since the coronavirus has in some ways divided our campus, students have found other ways to find a sense of community. The skunks have enabled us to do so. As they perfectly stated, “The students of Hamilton owe an immense amount of gratitude to these wonderful creatures.”

“It must be noted,” the interviewee shared, “there is no ulterior motive for my account.” They continue to say that “I just love these furry critters” and that their account “allows me to share skunk culture and lifestyle, which is undermined at Hamilton College.” When asked if they are ever afraid of being sprayed, they claimed that they “are not afraid of them.” They have also “got within two feet of the skunks and they are super friendly.” If that were not convincing enough, they went on to say that they “plan on picking one up soon.” However, if the interviewee experiences the misfortune of being sprayed, they will “be sad since the skunks have betrayed” them. They have also concluded that they will take one of the following actions: “I will stay in my room or live in the woods for a few weeks and live out of buckets of tomato juice from Commons that my roommate will fetch for me.” The dedication to their skunk account is impressive.

If you are still convinced that another account is superior to Skunks of Hamilton, you are wrong. Their account is the

only

skunk account that

the

Hamilton College Instagram account follows — “You can check now if you do not believe me!” When asked why, they stated, “Maybe Hamilton has realized the sense of community I have revived here.” This is true. We owe this person a very special thank you. Students can show gratitude by following the original Hamilton skunk account. In the meantime, the interviewee said they “will be awaiting your follow” and “will be scouting out more skunks.”